The Last Hug-

The dreams at 4 am are weird,they carry a sense of belonging with them.They are almost real,carved out of that wish which could never be fulfilled.This morning was no different,I visualized her crystal clear. I lived our last moment again.
                   She was about to leave Bangalore,perhaps forever.It was me who didn't even feel like meeting her for One last time.For the first time she didn't argue.Because she wanted to meet me.One last image of mine which she craved for.
                   We met at Sony Signal Koramangla.I waited for her standing.She was arguing with the auto Rikshaw driver over fares.She always did.Once she also negotiated with the auto Rikshaw driver by offering him a sodexo meal coupon.May be she was still a child at heart,which I could never see.She was three years younger to me.But in humanity,I feel she way way elder.
                   I saw her with a new haircut that day,though she was an extremely simple girl and hardly ever behaved like girls of her age.She looked nice if not Beautiful.Her orange pink kurti matched perfectly with her olive skin tone.She was classy.Classy in her choices.
                  It was Her last Day.She loved me.Madly.Badly.6 years of a Relationship is not a small duration.
I was her first true love.I don't know what she was for me,because I always took her for granted.I did not love her.May be I loved her but I was never sure of things.She was the one who was confident,daring and extremely devoted to me.
                 She took me to a CCD near Jyothi Niwas college.It was her favorite place.It was beautiful indeed.Not like the regular closed CCDs.Tall palm trees and open area.Dusk and calm cane couches.She drew her chair close to mine.She was the one who loved Public Displays of Affection.She wanted me to kiss her cheek.I never liked that.But she forced me.I had to.Somehow I was melting inside.Whatever it was.There was a part breaking down.Her smile was the only thing I loved.A smile which could perfectly build a bad day.A divine smile.
                2 mugs coffees and a Paneer Tikka sandwich shared between both of us.She insisted me to pay for it.Though she always gave me her share whenever we went out.But that day it was different.She wanted to live a day where I acted as her real lover.Not a forced one,I was getting numb.Tears welled up in my eyes.The salubrious wind of Bangalore and she..Her straight hair flowing.Today she didnt argue.She returned all my letters.Because it was too much for her to handle them.She didnt have the heart to throw them either.A plain white T-Shirt which I gave her to wear was returned.Everything,every emotion was returned.
Because she was tired.Tired of my selfish love.Tired that not even a pinch is being reciprocated.She was scared of her fierce emotions for me.The first time ever-She Didn't Cry.I Did.
                After 2 hours of being together I left her at the back gate of Forum,Koramangla.The gate which faces the giant-Bosch.She was 5'2.5 to be precise.I was 5'10.She wanted to hug me in public.For the first time,I didn't deny.I wanted to embrace her the last time.This relation ended because I never wanted her to be a permanent part of my life.I even tried to get rid of her by blaming her for wrong reasons.She was the one who was purged enough to carry it forward.The last time we broke up,it was me who went to her and she gladly accepted me again.But I was extremely good at hurting her.I had to leave her again.6 years and not one emotion was left which we hadn't seen.
              This time I don't know why she Did Not cry.May be because you never cry for things which never would be yours.May be, a time comes when we all Accept Things as they are.Because we had tried enough.And she,she had tried more than soul could.She gave away all her self respect and dignity for Me.Yes she abused me.Alot many times.But she loved me way more than anyone could ever do.
              We hugged once.Her head came just below my chin.I was crying.I was losing her.I didn't know anything else other than the fact that this girl Worshipped me.She was a part of me.A continuity.An unending part.I know she hoped for me to return.Her hopes will never die.But I had made it clear.Transparent.I was not Hers.
             She went 10 steps and then came running back.Hugged again.the vendors watched.I cried.My tear drops fell.She said- "I love you"while still in my arms.My throat choked.She went away finally.I went to catch a bus only to realize I sat in the wrong bus.
             The Melange of Emotions and Relationships sometimes makes you feel Life is a poison and you have to constantly drink it to stay alive.Paradox indeed.